i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can I color on your dick again?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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