My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
