he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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