in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
