Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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