you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
