Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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