Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
