I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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