He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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