I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
