your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
