So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
