I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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