I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
