Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
