sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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