I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The adults are the big ones right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
