So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
