totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
