if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
