i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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