The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
