...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
