Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
