How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
