I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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