A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
