what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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