just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
