he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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