she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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