Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
