How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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