Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
