I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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