So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
