3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
