pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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