Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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