Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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