Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
