Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
