I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
