All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
3 2 1 whiskey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
