I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
