The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
