escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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