New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
