Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
