we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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