I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
