haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
