so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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