Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
