That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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