Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
