So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
