Betty ford says i'm here all night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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