Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize