Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
