I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
