I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
