We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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