I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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