Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
