pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
