So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
