32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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