i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
