this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize