All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
