Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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