You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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