This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
