May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
