Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
