Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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