that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
