remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
