8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
