She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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