I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
