actually, I'm a sock model
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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