it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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