I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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