oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
