Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
