OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
