I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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