Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
