dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
