There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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