I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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