All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
