And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
