Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
