TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize