Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
