she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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