I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
