I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
